Are we the player or the game, asked my friend as we sat across a table littered with cigarettes peanuts and spilled beer. The dimly lit decor of the second floor bar we were gracing that night had a tendency for stimulating such soul stirring conversations.
“These conversations might seem futile, but are we in control, is the system a product of me or vice versa?”, he said. My friend. Great guy. Scorsese fan.
“I’m dunno mate. Surely there’s a way we can find out”, I said weakly. Not sure at all you see. I reached for my phone, again not really sure why, maybe god had texted me the answer.
“Man, you know what I think, its like, we’re both the player and the game man. Fucking, we want to be free of boundaries and limitations but we don’t ever truly understand what that means, you know? Like if you want complete freedom, there is going to be no security! You’re free to run, laugh, jump and scream – but also to fall, crack your head open and die! So, we build these templates of convenience. This is my template of rebelliousness. Here I can be rebellious as long as my friends and family will still let me eat and drink and sleep with them. Like, what the fuck is that? Fucking..”
I looked at him, not sure if he was blaming me, himself or everyone. But I think we needed to order more food.
“Dude, the thing is, we are all equally smart and dumb. Think of it like coffee and cigarettes man. After a long day, when you sit down with your cup of coffee in your little fortress of nicotineous solitude”, new word, deal with it,”you are completely at peace with yourself. A sense of peace comes over you. And it is as good a trance as any drug, yogi or good deed can get you. But, the high lasts a few seconds and it’s less special every time, and of course you’re killing yourself, spiking your heart and lungs with stimulants that it just doesn’t need. You consume and you are stupid to consume. If you don’t consume, you are smart to have not consumed, and now you are awake, annoyed and depressed.”
My friend’s turn to be perplexed.
I continued “We stop enjoying shit when we take it for granted. If we manage our consumption, we will be the best consumers, we can make ice cream the best reward in the world in the right circumstances”. Such as when you’re drunk and hungry at 2 AM.
We need to buy ice cream, I thought.